Your guardian angel

When I have no one to turn to and I am feeling kind of low. When there is no one here totalk to and no where I really want to go. I search deep within myself. It is the love inside my heart that let's me know my guardian angels are there. Even though we are many miles apart, a smile then appears upon my face and the sun begins to shine. I hear a voice, so soft and sweet saying:"everything will be just fine". It may seem that I am alone but I am never by myself at all. Whenever I need my angels near. All I have to do is call. Guardian angels love is always true that you can always depend on. She will always stand beside you and will always be your friend. A guardian angel who will guide what you do, her heart filled with love. Sent to watch over you.

by Das Erzgebirge Haus

This is dedicated to all my guardian angels out there who are always around me and watch my every step. Cos I know that you all care for me and don't want me to fall. I love you! Thanks god fo sending you to me.

My 1st trip to NOVENA church

Wow! I can't believe my eyes when I see the huge crowd at NOVENA church yesterday. I thought initially that since there are a few sessions of masses on sat and sun, then the church may not be as crowded. I was wrong. 20 mins before the mass at 1pm. The church already packed with people. The parking lots are almost filled up. I am glad that I manage to get one. It is a family church. I saw quite a few sisters from st. Paul selling catholic news articles. On the cover page, it featured the Vatican city ART. I will be going down to empress place, ACM. to see the ART later in the afternoon.

Back to my experience at NOVENA. I was told that NOVENA church has a long history and it's confession session is very powerful. Of course the queue is also long. Must be patience. Yes, once again I felt peace during the mases despite the huge crowd. The father rad out some letters written by the followers in the beginning of the mass. We sang songs and said our prayers and close to the end, the father talked abt a current affair issue: service quality in singapore.

He said and applied what is in the bible. If you want somone to be gd to you, you must also be gd to someone 1st. Likewise for the service providers and the customers. As christians, we must show grace. Otherwise it will make as no different from other non-christians.

I agree. I went to their bookstore after the mass to get some books and also my rosemary. I began my prayer last night when I reached home....my life is getting brighter. Thanks god!

My 1st evening prayer to GOD.

Eternal God, who gave us this day, and who now at evening time are taking it back to yourself, forgive us for all which today we did not do. Forgive us for any word of comfort, of praise, of thanks, which we might have spoken, and did not speak. Forgive us for any help we might have given to someone in need and did not give. Forgive us if today we have made things more difficult for anyone. Forgive us if by word or action we have set a bad example to anyone, and have made it easier for another to go wrong. Forgive us if today we have been disloyal to any friend, or if we have hurt the hearts of those whom above all we ought to cherish. My dear almighty God. Please grant my friends the power to love and face the challenges ahead of them with great faith. For it is You who possess the compassion and power to lead us closer to your path. Grant us this night Your gift of sleep; and grant us grace that tommorrow we may walk more close to You: through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen

Psalm 38:

O Lord, do not rebuke me in your wrath, Nor chasten me in your hot displeasure!
For your arrows pierce me deeply, and your hand presses me down.
There is no soundness in my flesh because of your anger,
nor any health in my bones because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
My wounds are foul and festering because of my foolishness.
I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long. For my loins are full of inflammation, and there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeable and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
Lord, all my desire is before you; and all my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague, And my relatives stand afar off.
Those also who seek my life lay snares for me; those who seek my hurt speak of destruction, and plan deception all the day long. But I, like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth. Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
and in whose mouth is no response. For in You, O Lord, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God. For I said, "Hear me, lest they rejoice over me, lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me."
For I am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me.
For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin. But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;and those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied. Those also who render evil for good, they are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.
Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, be not far from me!
Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!

I like this particular psalm alot and especially those people who are still on the journey of discovering this new faith...hope I can help in a small way..For STAR (cecilia) ..this is dedicated to you. Thank you!

Today is my lucky day

I woke up again this morning in great mood. The sun was up and the dark clouds slowly cleared as I moved out of my house. I started to appreciate the scenery along the way. Who says singapore don't have temperate trees. I saw whithering trees along the way..the leaves have turned red and yellow. Wow finally see autumn in sunny singapore. Perhaps he knows that I have made up my mind. To see HIM! I decided to make an appointment with HIM today. But it will be later in the evening.

Just can't stop smiling today..my wrinkles are forming...Guess I am excited abt meeting HIM today. One more thing to rejoice abt: I found a 4 leaves clover leaf in the garden behind my workplace. Yup those clover leaves that symbolise good luck. If you manage to find one 4 leaves clover leaf among the bushes of 3 leaves clover, you are/will be extremely lucky! I got it!
A few months back when my luck was really down and I was feeling lonely and sad, I said to myself one day: How gd if there will be some clover leaves growing in my hse garden. Then one day, I discovered them growing out of nowhere. Then I said to the clover leaves that how gd will it be if I can get a 4 leaves clover. Then today I got it though it is not in my hse garden but from my workplace! Is this a welcome gift for me? Welcoming me into your family?

The appointment later in the evening was magical. I am breathless and felt peace (inner). My tears flowed down 3 times throughout the 30 mins meeting with HIM. I don't understand why and how. But it was magical. I liked that place ( the place of our 1st date) : church of st Mary of the angels.

From star's blog:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life

something for you to think abt...star hope you don't mind.

Feeling great despite the rain...

AHhhh..the morning sun is gentle and warm and the surronding is breezy...feeling excited today...Have been putting a big smile on my face from morning till now..hope this smile will last forever to infinity. Before I wrote this blog. I have been cleaning my house and disinfecting all the areas. Feel and smell good. Ahhhh..I like the fresh air. Finally I can breathe again. Feel so energetic..I feel reborn. I am a brand new soul. Hey, frens, please welcome me back to this lovely earth again. The reason: I just let go one of my burdens. Feel lighter now......................I am flying flying flying....hope this will last forever.........................

I felt tired.....

My shoulders are extremely tight and stiff. It feels like I am carrying a thousand tons of rice sacks on my shoulders. I wish I could let them go. But I can't, I have to be responsible for them. They are my duties. I have to continue carrying them until they have reached their destinations. As one grow older, one will get to carry more burdens. Some burdens which u are very willing to carry and some are forced to your face. You just have to face it and try to lighten them. It is hard to distribute them away by praying hard that they will one day disappear. But if they really disappear from your shoulder, yes, initially, u will be happy that they are gone forever, but, u will also feel a sense of loss and emptiness. I am now in a dilemma. Confused! tired...my energy already exhausted, I wish to fall asleep...............................................................

I am down with a cold this morning...I hate rainy days!

Lambchop with his halo!

Falling fr heaven again?!

Got inspired to wear girly stuff from the korean drama: full house

Really loved the drama. Especially those nice dresses which Song Hye Kyo and Han Eun Jung wore in the show. Feel feminine recently, has been wearing dresses, skirts and high heels all the while. Happened to chance upon this korean dress shop at harbourfront : the STYLE Seoul. Their clothes are sweet and in limited quantity. But of course there is a price to pay for such specialities. Anyway me still crazy over pink although I try to add more clours to my wardrobe but everytime I tried on pinky stuff, the shop assistant will say I looked better in pink than other colours. Damn stuck in pink forever. Will my weeding dress be in pink?????

Nightmare last nite!

I had a nightmare last nite but actually it shld be this morning to be exact...This is not a dream abt the dead people nor ghostly creatures. I dreamt of people who are still alive but the things they did to me is my nightmare. I dreamt of people I wanted to see and people I don't wanna see in my life. I also got some surprises to see people that I have not seen for quite some time. I don't wanna go into what happened in the dream but it is a mixture of breakdown and also comfort. Yup, my feelings were hurt once again in this nightmare; being isolated again! I don't wanna discus what has happened as this is my secret: so don't ask me abt it! I just wanna say it in my blog to feel better.

Challenges or obstacles: you decide!

I finally come face to face with my worries. The time has come for me to face the problem. Initially, I feel troubled and worried. But I re-composed myself in a short while. I treat the problem as a test. A test to see how well I will react to the situation and how I will handle it. I see my obstacles as challenges in life. I feel better and I find peace if I treat my problems as challenges than obstacles. I just have to find a solution soon but in the event when there is no solution, I just have to wait and time will find my answer. In 2 months time, I will get my results for this big test of mine. I hope that I will pass this test. If I fail, I will try not to be despair and try out other avenues, perhaps I will do better. Perhaps this failure is a blessing in disguise. I will keep calm...as I am feeling peace and calmness now..I will try not to lose my stability in this test. I admit that I swayed a little initially but I have regained my foothold ...and now it is rooted deep in the ground.

It is the time of the year for mother goose to fly over the moon again....

Time for mooncakes! Just went to takashimaya to get my shangri-la hotel durian mooncakes. The good thing abt this mooncake is eggless and yummy. Great food to offer my late father and my ancestors. They became vegetarians...thanks to my dad's religion: buddhism.

Some roses to brighten my day...Nice? got these pretty ones from cold storage at takashimaya while shopping for my mooncakes. Sweet in pink....Life is not always as sweet as these roses. We have to make it happen sometimes. So get anything that will make your day a fulfilling one. Buy yourself some roses even if no one is getting you one...

My little Lamb chop---new sleeping partner.

This baby caught my eyes and I bought it without hestitation...A sweet baby to accompany me through those sleepless nites. I haven't decide a proper name for this baby so currently I will call it lamb chop for 2 reasons: I like to eat lamb chop and I am a lamb too...

Bright and sunny again..Pic taken this morning when I woke up.

Last night was tiring but was also blissful. I worked quite late till 9 pm. My boys were having celebration for their training trip to brunei and also their company's officer is posting out soon to other camp.

There is a buffet. I supplied the drinks at close to my cost price...anyway it is like once a year event ...so as long as I am not making losses ..I am happy. I treated the officers with free drinks as their boys have already taken their drinks so..not enough for them. They were grateful and I am glad. Sometimes, in life is not always abt making money. What I gained from last nite celebration is more than my monetary gains. I felt happy when I see them rejoicing. They sang songs together and held birthday party for those boys who had their birthday for the month of july, august and sept. Of course as usual, I got teased by the boys at times...now their company's officer also joined in the teasing...so fun. It was tiring but I felt happy.....thanks boys!

Family for rent?

don' t be shocked when u see this heading. I am talking abt my desire this time round. I am feeling happy today when I woke up , perhaps is due yesterday's findings of the pictorial book at changi airport. It si always good to experience new things and have one surprise per day to keep your spirit high. While I was washing my dishes this afternoon, this idea of family came along.

For your information, I am living alone in a 5 room flat and I have no siblings. My mom passed away when I was 12 and my dear dad passed away only a mere 8 and 1/2 mths ago. Both died of cancer (think I will die of it too) and both died in hospital and at their point of death I wasn't by their side. This is my biggest regret of my life. What I missed were those days when I could sit on my mom's lap and hug her tightly. I missed her cooking and she is a great cook especially in western cuisines cos she was working as a maid for an australian couple back in the 60s. As for my dad, he is also a great cook esp in chinese cuisines cos he was a hawker in the 80s. As for me, I tried to be a great cook too. Although, my dad cooks really well but he seldom cook at home..I am always the one who did all the cooking and I missed those words he said; like his comments on my stir-fried pork belly with white peppers, my just nice vegetables..etc.

When I was a kid, I always look forward to go to the neighbourhood hair salon with my mom. Every saturday, she will bring me to her fav. salon at dover rd and get curly short hair set. Sometimes, she will go for a facial...I will hangout at a nearby stationery shop while waiting for her. We will go shopping after that ... back in the 80s, shopping at chinatown and people's park was quite a hip thing...as orchard rd is not well-developed with shopping centers as yet. Sometimes, we will go to paya lebar's city plaza to shop. As for my dad, he is always busy working on weekends and seldom see him around until late at night. He was a house renovator in the late 80s to early 90s. He took over the role as a mother when my mom passed away. He also took over the role as a canteen stall owner of my mom's drinks stall. And now, I am taking over my dad's role as the stall owner. It's funny how..we are always taking over one anothers' role in life.

I enjoyed buying presents for my parents...I am not sure whether other kids also did the same thing..but I always saved up a significant amount of money from my pocket allowances to get my parents some presents on special occasions like birthdays, father's & mother's day..etc. I will make an effort to get something different every time. I will 1st search their wardrobe and look for things they used that have wore and tear...I wil get them a new piece. Or simple things like buying them a cake or bringing them out to dinner will be also sweet. My mom is the only one who remembers my birthday and she will cook red eggs on my chinese birthday and buy me a present on my english birthday. My dad don't believe in the point in celebrating birthday. He, of course, don't remember my birthday. The onl time he remember is when I was celebrating my 21st birthday. He didn't really give me a red packet (chinese custom) on that day but he did give me after his friend reminded him. What he did for my 21st birthday was even sweeter than the red packet. He went to market early that day and bought seafood, vegetables etc for my birthday buffet. He really make an effort to chose the groceries by himself. I am touched. Sometimes, effort is more important than monetary terms ( it is the heart that counts).

I really missed those days where I can shop for someone that I truly treasure (my parents). My dad got alot of clothings from me over the years. As I, a shopping queen cum fashionista, loves to mix and match different pieces of clothings for my dad..I ended up buying lots of clothes for my dad when I spotted something nice. I really hope that if I can have my family soon....A family who is caring and forgiving, a father and a mother whom I can pamper and love. If only I can rent these family members, life will be great at least for that moment. Let me feel a moment of love and care.

I have been staying alone and trying my very best to enjoy my independence for the past 3 months....but I still think it is togh being alone. I tried to get myself really tired so that I can fall into a deep sleep that moment I reach home..but it is very difficult. I don't really like to stay at home cos I will feel the lonliness in the house. I like to be surrounded by people...Every weekend I will head down to town to hangout, catch a late nite movie sometimes I hope that the movie is after 1 am. Hence the moment I reach home I can sleep like a log. Even on weekdays, I will try to hang out late at kopitiam, jurong point and my fav. holland village coffee club. Now I found a nice place--changi airport.

There is no one in the house that I will look forward to when I return from work. Somehow I only feel bored and had no one to talk too or even to watch TV with. The only thing that accompanied me is my laptop. At least I have found a new hobby--blogging. My friends are kind enough that they invited me over to their house for dinner or overnite. My dear friends, I appreciated your kindness and support. Perhaps, it is the way I am brought up. I don't really like to trouble people especially my friends as far as I can. I will feel uneasy if I eat at other's pple hse with their family membrs around. I have to be really courteous ( greet them, always smile..etc). I am not a very courteous person in reality. I don't really like to sleep in other pple hse cos I always think that I must wake up early the next morning so as ot to be rude. But on the other hand, I njoy sleeping in other pple hse as I can get company and sleep soundly in the night. Sorry to trouble any of you, I apologized for my inconsiderate act.

Sometimes, I just crave for a company. I just want someone by my side, u don't have to talk....just be around me and I will be happy and contented. Even if it is over the phone, or if u are just by my side when I am driving. I don't really like to talk sometimes cos I wanna enjoy our moment together.

I miss those days when I can wake up late after 12pm on a sunday and have my lunch served hot right before me. Yup, my dad always bought lunch home after his morning exercise at bukit batok nature park. Now that, I can no longer enjoy such privileges. So now on sunday, I will skip my lunch for most of the time. Even if I am sick now, I still have to go to work..my dad wil not be there to take over my role. My dad will not be there to get my fish/pork porridge. I really want someone who can gently sweep their hands oer my forehead and then over my hair...I feel really happy and wanted.

My friends, don't worry abt me ..when I wrote down these facts abt my feelings, I am in a good mood. No more suicide intentions for now....I am grateful for your support and guidance. I feel fortunate than those orphans whom don't even know their biological parents..at least I was loved once.....I will wanna be my parents' daughter again in my next life. I wanna thank them for bringing me to this world.

I got this pictorial book which is published by the straits times at changi airport terminal 2 just now. And in one of the opening pages, I spotted a pic that was taken by desmond foo on 13 july 2004 at bukit batok nature park. I think the 1st person photographed in the forefront of this photo below resembled my late father...coincidently ..that day of photography is also my graduation day from NUS. I remembered that my dad did go for his morning exercise on that day. I hope he is the one being photographed in this pic. He also had a bermudas and tshirt that is abt the smae as the person wearing in the pic. I hope he is my dad..at least I had one more stuff that I can keep in memory of my dad.
It was funny initially cos when I bought this book ...I didn't spot this page but flipped through other pages and think it is quite an interesting book that documents history in pics rather than words. ( I am a visual person) . It is when after I bought this book and proceed to terminal 1 to get my coffee at the pacific coffee company and take my time to look through every pages ..that I spotted this page...

I felt restless today and have been driving around to find something interesting to do...perhaps it is the weather... It was 7 pm and I already have my dinner...I felt bloated and wanted to go somewhere to do some strolling..initially I thought of going to bugis or harbourfront...but don't why I just kep on driving, I passed the alexander exit, passed the cte exit and the next moment I was on the ECP...I drove on...until the end I reached changi airport. I parked at terminal 1 and walked around terminal 1 and proceed to terminal 2 to shop around..I passed by this bookstore and read through magazines and I spotted this pictorial book at the bottom of the magazine rack..I bought it at an instance cos I am interested in photojournalism. I think today's drive to changi is fated...I am directed by a special force to that direction...a very funny feeling I had...

Yup..raining this late morning and early afternoon....so sick...I was driving and on my way to IKEA for my lunch.




This tree is planted along the bridge along clementi rd, just after I exited from NUS today....nice isn't it?

A nice jeep--brightens my morning's blue

I always dream of owning a jeep...I like the tall eyeview...and the rugged look! If I am a proud owner of a jeep..I will name it : BASTARD. Think it is a cool name. With my driving skills and sometimes, reckless speed demon spirit, my jeep will definitely get lots of middle fingers pointing from passers-by. And I will anticipate drivers yelling from their cars' window: hey, bastard! watch where u are going...fuck..u cut into my lane....

Raining raining raining.....I thought it was bright and sunny this morning?

The weather is getting erratic....what has happened?

Raining again!!!
I hate rain.....I am starving ....couldn't get out of my house to buy dinner tonite..eating some junk from my fridge. At abt 10 pm, the rain has stopped and I decided to go holland village to get something lite...I ended up going coffee beans to get a slice of tiramisu and a carrot cake. I took half from each slice and mix them up to produce a masterpiece which is as good as a pile of shit but it is nice...why am I always making shit out of the things I eat..?

I was once a piece of shattered glass. Broken and being thrown away. Out in the field, I stood there facing the sun and harsh weather. I watch people passes by and some of them stepped on my shattered body. No one bother to give a second look.

You came on one fine day, picked up pieces of me--gently piece by piece.You brought me home and glued my shattered body together with such gentleness. You polished my body with care. You make me shine again with your love. I am thankful for your kindness. Because of you, I am able to shine again. Though I may not be a complete piece, I know that I have my purpose to be alive and the reason is your love.....arigato!

An answer to my previous post: snapshots of our lives!

The person u once loved will still remain in a special place of your heart despite the hurt he has done. U wish to keep the beautiful memories abt him--his gentleness(yasashii), his beautiful and forever cheery smile, his encouragement.....indirectly u have forgave him if u remember him this way...but u prefer to be angry at him just to use it as an excuse to forget him....making his presence blur while u take time to recover. Everyone has their take of how they face this kinda love-hate relationship. My answer is: U will never forget him but only can blur his presence in your memory. You will have to find a man that is worthy of your love and sometimes need to love u more than loving himself..this kinda of love will overpower your hurt and in time, u will heal and learn to thank the guy that left u. He had provide an opportunity for u to meet someone else whom deserves your love more than he does.

In this love relationship, we r just each other's "interchange" ..we r using each other as a turning point for a better love. Once we find our true love then we will learn to forgive and heal.

In the event u can't meet that love of your life ....don;t be despair...carry on your life with those sweet memories of him and these sweet memories and his words of encouragement can make u stronger to face any difficulties in your life though he may not be around by your side anymore.

ai no kami

It's SHOWTIME babes!

Going crazy over the TOPSHOP undies...the reason why? They are on sale..yup 2 undies at 20% discount..price= S$7.20 each. I like TOPSHOP undies cos they r wacky and sometimes sweet in their design...Girls out there it is time to revamp your inner beauty. They r those kinda undies that you won't be afraid to reveal to onlookers especially when u wanna behave like sharon stone in basic instincts. OUT is the extremely lacy ones..they are meant for aunties. Get those with interesting prints...and if u wanna be more playful: u can get the female boxer shorts.

Japanese products not on sale...

Don't be mistaken that the japanese products that i bought is also on sale..nope japanese grocery is never on sale... I just like to eat their stuff cos they r not so sweet...and much more healthy than our local products...I AM SICK OF LOCAL STUFF...My favourite is the mochi wrapped with silky jap red bean paste and rolled in soy flour. I don't really like japanese coffee except for suzuki brand. Most of their coffee have this mild coffee taste and comes with a strong scen of coconut...dunno why got this kinda taste...esp in UCC coffee. SUZUKI is fine and no coconut scent..Just tried my "KEY" coffee . The taste is quitebitter and only bitter with no aroma..so sad....think it is time to make my blue mountain to satisfy my craving.

I think I am getting chubbier.....

MOre FAts started to come out from my face.....shit..shldn't have eaten so much..

Anyway, mi still wearing my lucky red jacket and my red spectacle.

I seems lucky and feels happier in them. I had sumptous meals yesterday. yup! MEALS = lunch and dinner. My yesterday's breakfast sucks cos I am late for my morning class and I only manage to grab a few pathetic pieces of my sesame biscuits and a few sips of coffee ( my adrenaline of the day).

I had Korean food for lunch---my healthy dose of ginseng chicken soup, seafood and spring onion pancakes and my favourite kimchi. I always order HOT ginseng tea cos I like the mild and sweet taste...as for dinner:

I went to suntec fountain of wealth's thai restaurant---rennthai ( If my memory didn't fail me). Prices there are cheap..abt the same or cheaper than thai express..but their service is not express lah..maybe becos they are many customers yesterday. The thai food is gd..better than thai express. We ordered a tom yum soup, sambal kangkong and a thai chicken....of course my favourite thai iced tea. I feels so happy (ureshii) today...gets to enjoy nice food with a nice company, u know who u r...haha

Something funny happened today............

No offence to buddhists, taoists and christians.

Today, at my canteen, my dad's friend came to pay a visit. He was coming back for a meeting in the vicinity and popped by to get a cuppa coffee from my shop. He asked: "how's life and how" business?"

I said with a frown: "business has been bad recently..."

He said: " aiya, anything bad happens, just chant--tian ling ling, di ling ling, -----etc...and buddhism chants."

Guess what I said? I told him that: " I'm with AMEN "

His expression changed...coldness sets in...then he said: " then I can't help u cos we belong to different sect. we have to go separate ways."

I said I believe in god just to test out and observe what will be the other party's reaction and I anticipated he will say something like this....bingo..I am a genius.

This friend of my dad...I don't really like him cos he is always acting as if he knows alot of thing and sometimes he thinks that he can act on behalf of his god... He is not a pure buddhist though he is trying to be one or at least act like one... he is still tie in between taoist and buddhism ..and I think most buddhists also suffer from the same situation. There is no clear line between taoism and buddhism..goddess of mercy is also tied in between this tug of war.

I was confused too and clueless abt this religious affair..I considered myself as a follower of what my ancestors' believed and practised.

Why human's relationships changed when the issue of religious belongings/identity sets in? Can't people of different religions be friends? Religion/one's belief is more important than camaderie / true friendship?

Think abt it!

Even within the same religion, there are furter differentiated into more small sects. WHY??????

Aren't we belong to one big family? the family of the universe.

Its always great to receive parcels.....

Finally got my parcel from the USA today. I always like the idea of unwrapping presents and parcels. The thrill and anticipation u get is unexplainable. Perhaps this only apply to me...afterall I am quite a weirdo at times...I will buy things from online stores and get them delivered to my hse..i will have a chance to unwrap these purchases and hope that I may get some surprises from the square box. I seldom receive presents that are nicely wrapped in a box these days...perhaps my friends and I are too close; the closer,your relationsips are..the less you would bother to cover up the present and give the other party a surprise... sometimes i ended up being asked what do I want for my birthday and I know it will be practical to get things that I need but ...I still miss those surprises...some of my friends may not understand why I ended up tearing the wrapper when I am opening the gift...it may be a waste of their effort in wrapping up the gift. This is a chore for me to open the gift with care and slowly unwrap the gift without casuing any damage to the wrapper.I rather find thrill inearing up the wrapper in a jifty. don't u think so?

SNAPSHOTS OF OUR LIVES.

I attended my photography class today abt reading photographs...photographs are used to document an event, a story and also death. One series of pics was shown on the life and death of an aids victim whom was also a friend of the photographer, nann. It is disheartening to snap a dying friend and at least she left behind a story to tell and remember.

I felt that everyone we encountered are snapshots of our lives. The people we passed by everyday, our friends, relatives, loved ones, etc ..they formed little images with the things they did to us and these images are collaged into a mural which is imprinted in our brains. These images cannot be erased till we die. We`can only blurred some of them and sharpened the others. Everyone keeps a painful folder which they wish they could delete it but they can't..not becos they do want to let go but sometimes letting it go may be more painful. Even with time, they are still there hiding at one corner of your heart. This is especially true when u are hurt by someone u once treasure so dearly....that his every moves, smiles, words have became a part of your life.

It is hard to detached that part of you....

Even as time passes by, U may think that u have grown stronger and is brave enough to face him but when u really meet him on the streets...there may a sudden surge of happiness and u don't know the reason why you feel a sense of happiness or relief when you see him...U may think that : "Hey! I shld be angry or if I am not angry ..at least I shld have neutral feelings for him...I shld not be feeling anything for him..." ..perhaps deep down in your heart..if you have the courage to reach deep down and dug it out...u know that u still love him..but the love may not be as strong or the same kinda of love that you had last time...you still love him becos you wanna thank him for leaving some sweet memories in your life and making you a stronger/better/more forgiving person. Face it with your courage and don't feel ashamed that you still have some feelings for him...just remember u are a kind and forgiving soul. If the hurt is too deep...don't be afraid to hate... U have the power to hate too!

Sometimes, it is better to hate than to forgive cos to forgive means more hurt will be imprinted in your memories. Cos you know u stil love him... so let them say that you are self-centred, and unforgiving. Live for yourself...yes! there may be some regrets that you may not have anymore chance to see him again if you choose to hate him..but this will be a better measure than to see him again and knowing that he had someone else in his arms. No friendship after love........if u still feel the hurt. " let it go before you wake up one day and know that you have hurt yourself"--bullshit quote!

Sometimes...I do hope that he is not doing well .......................................don't u share the same sentiments?

ai no kami

The RED goddess of LOVE.....ai no kami

JUST created a sect called the sky sect named after my previous blog.

In a very gd mood today, Didn't get illeal parking tickets for my car at 2 areas: bugis liang seah st and holland village within the same nite..damn I am so lucky tonite. Perhaps my angel knows that I am rushing for my class at liang seah st and I was 30 mins late for class...............I got a parking lot almost immediately when I enter liang seah st carpark...fully parked during dinner time. Guess wat my parking coupon expired for over an hr and I wasn't booked for it...and when I went to Holland Village for dinner..again I parked at my usual season parking lot without displaying valid season ticket...and I WASN"T BOOKED for it..haha ...the carpark attendants are on their holidays? Or going for ladies nite... Too sober to issue a ticket. OR SIMPLY I AM WING MY LUCKY RED TODAY...

Went back to NUS for 2 consecutive days...really miss my sch alot. I will be a frequent patron of the central lib..cos i have a purpose to go there..i enjoy the peacefulness and of course the air-con ... do chk me out if u r at the vicinity...I'm am always at the 3rd level study corner. But may be shifting to the Japanese section of the chinese library soon...when i finish my current batch of books. re-entering nus in 2006.....finally after 2 years of graduation.

what do u see when u look upon the clouds in the sky?

Hope (kitai)? angel (tenshi)? god (Kami)? or someone u miss ?

I had watched a chinese movie some years back, in the movie: the guy will take pics of the sky everytime he thinks abt the girl he loves. he would then accumulates these pics in a box and hoping that one day, he will be able to see her again and pass it to her. Keeping all his love and memories to himself cos he knows that he can't send these pics out to her...cos he don't have the courage and he is not sure whether she has moved... Though in the end the couple did not get together but this will be their secret and a wonderful memory that they shared till the day they part from this world. I wish I had it.................

STRESS !!!!!!!

Mr Stress has knocked on my door again! Damn...I wish I was not at home to get it.
Something crops p at my workplace. My livelihood is put on stake. ut I was touched to hear from my boys that they are behind me..they will support me regardles of the outcome. I just have to pray hard..this will be my only hurdle of this year..I need to cross it with my faith and determination....my agony will end in late october. Then I will know where I belong. Please give me the strength to fight this tough war and of course the luck!

Will be having sleepless nites and irregular meals for 2 months...so my frens, don't be surprised if I slim down further and look haggard...

bless me!

I do get abit crazy at times..............a self-confessed black and white photo freak

My dearest fren, Cat is turning a new chapter of her life in Cherating, Kuantan. Yeah Really happy for her...finally she is having her big break to be what she wants.

For my 15th yrs buddy, may I wish u luck, happiness and love in your new place and hope to see you soon in a few months time.

Cat has flown at 2pm fr changi airport.

You never compare yourself with other people. Everybody starts n a different place. You just have to improve a little bit day by day, and then you will get there, wherever you may want to be.

Quote by Alexander Wong

I had a good day! Just permed my hair ( a half length perm). I do hope that I don't look disgusting with the new japanese perm.

I decided that I should start a new chapter of my life. A life's full of fun, happiness and surprises I hope.... I wanted to be a better person...I'll try to be and I know it will be difficult but I will try.

I hope I can fulfill my obligations and pursue my dreams. Time will tell. I just need to wait. A sudden enlightenment I got this morning when I woke up....I must have gotten up from the "right side" of the bed today. For my best buddies out there, thanks for your encouragements and I know that u all care for me when I broke down on last wed's nite. I hope that u guys will continue to guide and lead me out of my agony. I am not sure whether this surge of peacefulness and happiness are temporary or they are here to stay; not sure whether I will wake up the next morning feeling remorseful again..but as for now, I am a happy person. I think that is important! we need to feel at least happy once a month amidst all the suffering and loneliness we are facing. My friends and faithfull bloggers out there, thanks for your comments on my blog and I will continue to write more blogs as I know I have your support!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love heaps and I can fly again!!!

This is a water reflection of my hotel in KLCC. interesting composition.

I am still looking for my reflection. A person who is a replica of my soul. I hope I can find him in this lifetime. We can console the insecurity of our hearts when in darkness.

(insomnia)

Today is the 8th month since he left my world on 3rd Jan 2005.

I send this flower to u and hope that everything will be fine on your side.

No more darkness, no more pain; everything will be bright and gentle.

I love U, pa!

AT the entrane of our hotel. Next to it is KLCC suria and Perons towers.

My mind went blank while I am eating my durian..the seed was stuck at one corner of my mouth...

title: In deep thoughts...kanashii!!!

Can't believe it! we actually go KL for clubbing.... Passion is the club! quite like the place cos here r more aduts than youngsters. They played R&B, hip hop and urban lounge music...the pple there are more friendly than or local singaporean guys...they r fun-loving folks.... Thogh it is a sort nite out but we had fun..we r just too tired..especially me..I didn't get enough sleep the previous nite and I am the drier..Damn!!! or pple ot there who is thinking of bying a car...my advice is "think more than TWICE". But I am willing to take the sacrifice just becos they r my best friends. LUV YEAH....

ABOVE: my tired feet..dancing on 3.5 inches high heel shoes...

My Mandarin Oriental room...rm 2011..haha....looks really messy only after one night.