Family for rent?

don' t be shocked when u see this heading. I am talking abt my desire this time round. I am feeling happy today when I woke up , perhaps is due yesterday's findings of the pictorial book at changi airport. It si always good to experience new things and have one surprise per day to keep your spirit high. While I was washing my dishes this afternoon, this idea of family came along.

For your information, I am living alone in a 5 room flat and I have no siblings. My mom passed away when I was 12 and my dear dad passed away only a mere 8 and 1/2 mths ago. Both died of cancer (think I will die of it too) and both died in hospital and at their point of death I wasn't by their side. This is my biggest regret of my life. What I missed were those days when I could sit on my mom's lap and hug her tightly. I missed her cooking and she is a great cook especially in western cuisines cos she was working as a maid for an australian couple back in the 60s. As for my dad, he is also a great cook esp in chinese cuisines cos he was a hawker in the 80s. As for me, I tried to be a great cook too. Although, my dad cooks really well but he seldom cook at home..I am always the one who did all the cooking and I missed those words he said; like his comments on my stir-fried pork belly with white peppers, my just nice vegetables..etc.

When I was a kid, I always look forward to go to the neighbourhood hair salon with my mom. Every saturday, she will bring me to her fav. salon at dover rd and get curly short hair set. Sometimes, she will go for a facial...I will hangout at a nearby stationery shop while waiting for her. We will go shopping after that ... back in the 80s, shopping at chinatown and people's park was quite a hip thing...as orchard rd is not well-developed with shopping centers as yet. Sometimes, we will go to paya lebar's city plaza to shop. As for my dad, he is always busy working on weekends and seldom see him around until late at night. He was a house renovator in the late 80s to early 90s. He took over the role as a mother when my mom passed away. He also took over the role as a canteen stall owner of my mom's drinks stall. And now, I am taking over my dad's role as the stall owner. It's funny how..we are always taking over one anothers' role in life.

I enjoyed buying presents for my parents...I am not sure whether other kids also did the same thing..but I always saved up a significant amount of money from my pocket allowances to get my parents some presents on special occasions like birthdays, father's & mother's day..etc. I will make an effort to get something different every time. I will 1st search their wardrobe and look for things they used that have wore and tear...I wil get them a new piece. Or simple things like buying them a cake or bringing them out to dinner will be also sweet. My mom is the only one who remembers my birthday and she will cook red eggs on my chinese birthday and buy me a present on my english birthday. My dad don't believe in the point in celebrating birthday. He, of course, don't remember my birthday. The onl time he remember is when I was celebrating my 21st birthday. He didn't really give me a red packet (chinese custom) on that day but he did give me after his friend reminded him. What he did for my 21st birthday was even sweeter than the red packet. He went to market early that day and bought seafood, vegetables etc for my birthday buffet. He really make an effort to chose the groceries by himself. I am touched. Sometimes, effort is more important than monetary terms ( it is the heart that counts).

I really missed those days where I can shop for someone that I truly treasure (my parents). My dad got alot of clothings from me over the years. As I, a shopping queen cum fashionista, loves to mix and match different pieces of clothings for my dad..I ended up buying lots of clothes for my dad when I spotted something nice. I really hope that if I can have my family soon....A family who is caring and forgiving, a father and a mother whom I can pamper and love. If only I can rent these family members, life will be great at least for that moment. Let me feel a moment of love and care.

I have been staying alone and trying my very best to enjoy my independence for the past 3 months....but I still think it is togh being alone. I tried to get myself really tired so that I can fall into a deep sleep that moment I reach home..but it is very difficult. I don't really like to stay at home cos I will feel the lonliness in the house. I like to be surrounded by people...Every weekend I will head down to town to hangout, catch a late nite movie sometimes I hope that the movie is after 1 am. Hence the moment I reach home I can sleep like a log. Even on weekdays, I will try to hang out late at kopitiam, jurong point and my fav. holland village coffee club. Now I found a nice place--changi airport.

There is no one in the house that I will look forward to when I return from work. Somehow I only feel bored and had no one to talk too or even to watch TV with. The only thing that accompanied me is my laptop. At least I have found a new hobby--blogging. My friends are kind enough that they invited me over to their house for dinner or overnite. My dear friends, I appreciated your kindness and support. Perhaps, it is the way I am brought up. I don't really like to trouble people especially my friends as far as I can. I will feel uneasy if I eat at other's pple hse with their family membrs around. I have to be really courteous ( greet them, always smile..etc). I am not a very courteous person in reality. I don't really like to sleep in other pple hse cos I always think that I must wake up early the next morning so as ot to be rude. But on the other hand, I njoy sleeping in other pple hse as I can get company and sleep soundly in the night. Sorry to trouble any of you, I apologized for my inconsiderate act.

Sometimes, I just crave for a company. I just want someone by my side, u don't have to talk....just be around me and I will be happy and contented. Even if it is over the phone, or if u are just by my side when I am driving. I don't really like to talk sometimes cos I wanna enjoy our moment together.

I miss those days when I can wake up late after 12pm on a sunday and have my lunch served hot right before me. Yup, my dad always bought lunch home after his morning exercise at bukit batok nature park. Now that, I can no longer enjoy such privileges. So now on sunday, I will skip my lunch for most of the time. Even if I am sick now, I still have to go to work..my dad wil not be there to take over my role. My dad will not be there to get my fish/pork porridge. I really want someone who can gently sweep their hands oer my forehead and then over my hair...I feel really happy and wanted.

My friends, don't worry abt me ..when I wrote down these facts abt my feelings, I am in a good mood. No more suicide intentions for now....I am grateful for your support and guidance. I feel fortunate than those orphans whom don't even know their biological parents..at least I was loved once.....I will wanna be my parents' daughter again in my next life. I wanna thank them for bringing me to this world.